


hinata works the graveyard shift

by 91cm



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Super Dangan Ronpa 2.5
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, M/M, all characters other than komahina are only there briefly, and i do a shit job of describing them, aside from komahina and nanami the other characters aint even named, komaeda is the fucking hash slinging slasher, spongebob references, two unnoticeable jojo references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 17:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15645990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/91cm/pseuds/91cm
Summary: hinata is transferred to the night shift. komaeda graces him with his presence and simultaneously scares the shit out of him (nothing new)





	hinata works the graveyard shift

**Author's Note:**

> my first ever fic and its crack, why am i not surprised. also komahina because that ship unironically changed my life <3
> 
> btw, hinata works at sheetz which is an obscure convenience store/gas station in like 5 states in the US. settings, i really know how to pick em

Working at sheetz had its pros, or so hinata let himself believe as he slipped another bag of swedish fish into his shirt pocket. At least he didnt work at someplace like arbys. What that place lacked in quality it also lacked in atmosphere….not to mention its butt ugly logo. He heard on the food chain grapevine that their customers were real weenies to boot…

Not that the regulars at sheetz were much better, hinata amended as he watched a group of four middle schoolers shuffle toward the doughnuts in a perfect box formation. It was only when they halted their movement that he realized there was a fifth, pickle-haired child in the middle, presumably the ring leader. She pointed at the most disgustingly lavish doughnut available, and one of her minions picked it right up with their dirty unwashed hands, not even bothering to grab one of those sheet thingies whose name escapes me. Hinata would have given them a stern talking to if he gave any more fucks. As it were, his job sucked so much that he would only be grateful to lose it. Hinata stayed for the money but he didnt even know if that was worth it at this point.

His blatant negligence is why he was unsurprised to get called back to speak to the Boss.

The Boss was seated comfortably on a shiny armchair, it was probably so shiny because he sweated all over it all day. Hinatas theory was confirmed when he stood with an audible peeling sound, an imprint of his asscheeks appearing then fading swiftly. Hinata was too busy staring at the ghost of his employers buttcheeks to notice the hand extended to him.

A throat was cleared, and hinata dragged his gaze upward. And then down a bit because the Boss was pretty short. In fact by the way his voice cracked mid-throat clear hinata was starting to suspect the Boss was a high school boy.

Hinata did not take the boys hand because of many reasons, but the only one you need to know is that hinata is an asshole. The Boss blushed adorably and retracted his hand, instead motioning for hinata to sit. The gesture was kind of awkward and it looked like he was telling him to quiet down but hinata got the message. Hinata was a dumbass who sometimes forgot how many sides were on an octagon but even he could read social cues as long as the person were not diagnosed with a lying disease for instance.

So hinata sat somewhat timidly. He was expecting to get fired but the Boss had been being weirdly polite in that case. What gives, hinata mouthed to himself, and then surprisingly had the decency to look embarrassed because he just mouthed that quite clearly instead of thinking it invisibly.

“Your probably wondering why i gathered you here today,” started the Boss. hinata had to strain a little to hear that over the sudden protest from the chicken coop in the corner but he figured it out, especially since its such an overdone line. The Boss looked like he was trying not to turn his head to the chickens but he must have relented cus he got up and scooped up a big fat one.

Gently caressing the chicken in his lap, the Boss continued.

“I was informed by my Higher Up that we are in need of someone to work the night shift. I thought immediately of you.” The Boss smiled at Hinata expectantly, as if awaiting praise. Hinata’s eye twitched. “Your diligence and also your impressive uh, size have been the subject of praises time and time again.”

Hinata was surprised someone had apparently spoken well of him. By size did they mean his sculpted muscular bod in general or perhaps his 91cm- He was getting distracted.

What surprised Hinata the most was that the Boss wasnt firing him in this moment. Then a thought rattled his one brain cell.

“What is the opinion of your Higher Up?” Hinata was curious because, although he had never met the woman, the Boss’s Boss was supposedly a force to be reckoned with. If she had a good opinion of hinata maybe this job wasnt as much of a waste as he constantly told others.

“Oh, uh,” the Boss glanced to the side for a second. “She will be informed when the decision is made. She left it in my hands. But ah, my Higher Up’s Higher Up, aka the Highest Up, he definitely wanted to know.”

“Whys that” Hinata asked rudely. You cant really blame him, it doesnt make sense to skip the woman in the middle, and also why does the so-called Highest Up even care about hinatas existence.

The Boss turned as red as hinatas sexy eye. Had hinata just stumbled upon some hot juicy goss? He didnt really care but still everybody gets a lil excited at the thought in their deepest recesses.

“LEts just say he… doesnt trust my judgment too much.”

“Is there a raisin” hinata was realy pushing it now but he was feeling uncharacteristically horny. For some reason the Boss didn’t resist his questioning maybe because he was a mild mannered teenage boy. Who was probably overheating in his multiple layers of blazer, which would explain the ass print earlier.

“Not really actually. In fact i would say he does trust my judgment a lot, he even forces me to make decisions for him sometimes, however he is tsundere teehee.” The Boss’s expression was one of deep thought and perhaps something else……

Hinata did not care to dig any deeper though as he considered what was being offered. The graveyard shift eh? It might be fun to swap scary stories behind innocent customers backs about them with his coworkers. However he didnt really like his coworkers at the moment. All the more reason to switch then right?

“So what is your answer?” asked the Boss, looking very much like an egg as he held the chicken, like some kind of inversion of the natural phenomenon known as motherhood. It was almost poetic and hinata nearly asked which came first, the chicken or the egg. Instead he was inspired to respond in a very witty and clever way that would surely gain him some points with that egg guy.

“Have you ever seen a square egg?” hinata blurted, he could have afforded to say it more suavely but the effort was there so its fine, hinata never tried too hard anyway.

A wide grin stretched the Boss’s face. He telepathically knew that hinata was accepting even though the answer to the egg question was objectively no.

“Youre hired” he said and then for good measure “your shift starts tonight.”

Hinata aint even mad. Hes just pleased with himself for behaving so sexily this early in the morn. And he wouldnt have to get up this early anymore. Instead he would go to sleep at this time probably, which would fuck all kinds of shit up but it was exciting nonetheless, perhaps for that reason.

This time hinata shook the Boss’s feather-covered hand as he stood. One of the bags of swedish fish in his pocket threatened to swim out so he hastily straightened and left the dim and cramped room.

 

* * *

 

 

Working the night shift was like working the day shift cranked up to 11, in the sense that it was more intense, but only in feeling. Other than the constant sense that something fucked up was gonna happen, the night shift was pretty boring actually. However hinata welcomed the boredom at least for the first hour, since he didnt have to deal with too many weirdos just yet.

Boy was he in for it.

Unawares of his coming tribulations, hinata took to exchanging bants with his new coworker nanami. However this was mostly one-sided as she was very tired a lot, as a personality trait. But she did her best to humor him and soon they got to the juicy stuff.

“So have you ever had any freaky shit happen at like 3am” hinata casually inquired, leaning his massive weight in pure muscle on the greasy sexy slimy counter.

“Well we have been visited by some cryptids if thats what you mean. In fact that is why the guy in your new position left” she said. Hinata thought he heard her mutter “pussy” under her breath but he was more intrigued by her first sentence.

“What like squatchy n shit?”

“Yes like squatchy. Except these guys tend to be regulars round here, or if not then they rotate from place to place and generate a sort of local mythos.” she sipped her f’real milkshake noncommittally.

“Huh.. could you tell me about some of them, im curious” hinata pressed. His ahoge twitched in anticipation.

“Yea sure. We had one guy, real huge,” she glanced not-so-subtly at hinata’s freakishly large pecs “who kept asking to use the bathroom. He always looked like he was gonna shit himself on the spot. In order to prevent a messy scene - in more ways than one - we said go ahead. Then he would spend about two hours or more making really unpleasant sounds in there, like a ghoul with the voice of alex jones. My coworker souda - the guy here before you - eventually confronted him through the door.

“The guy just freaking pretended he wasnt there. His grunts subsided and after a while souda had to shakily get the key and peek in the one-person bathroom, to make sure he hadnt died or something. According to souda, upon seeing him the guy fucking exploded before his blood fuschia eyes. It took forever to clean that place. Souda was scarred for life and quit the next day.”

Hinata looked to the bathrooms thoughtfully and hummed. “At first i was thinking this story sucked cause he was just constipated but it turns out explosions are scary as hell. Apparently a guy in my high school blew up the gym once, no one was there at the time though. What a fucker i hope he bites za dusto if you know what i mean lmao.”

“Lmao” there was a moment of pensive silence before nanami spoke once more. “Speaking of fuckers, there is this other guy. He is more of the roaming type, showing up in different locations at 4:20am precisely every time. There isnt really that much overtly weird about him other than his robotic hand. Its badass but there is a rumor making the rounds about how he got it.”

“Oh he sounds sick, was he some kind of jedi or new yorker or something?” hinatas eyes brightened at his own clever references.

Nanami sighed audibly. “If only it were so interesting. The real belief is that he used to work at arbys, maybe he still does idk nobody eats there. But he was really unlucky. He was so unlucky that one time he was chopping something and he cut off his own hand……..”

Hinata shuddered in horror. He could only imagine the pain, but even more than that what kind of loser cuts off their own entire hand. At least it was an accident, can you imagine doing that on purpose like some kind of madman.

“It doesnt end there. Legend has it that he goes from store to store looking for victims…”

“Victims to..” hinata gulped “to do what to? Exactly?”

Nanami met his eyes gravely. “No one knows. Maybe its to pass on his shitty luck to another underpaid employee. He pushes open the door with his mechanical hand, wanders the aisles for a bit until he finds some kinda snack, and goes to check out. If he deems you worthy of the curse…….. Thats when he GETS YOU”

Shivering, hinata allowed himself to ask what we are all thinking…… “has he ever...gotten anyone?”

Turning away, nanami shrugged. “I dunno the story ends there. Once you start naming names this sort of thing doesnt work anymore because then it can be disproved. He has come here before and even bought some of those disgusting life saver gummies, usually, but as far as i know he hasnt done anything further. Still its best to be on guard. That could always change with you…”

The chime of the door startled them both. Nanami’s head turned and she stilled. Unsettled, Hinata followed her eyes to the entrance where a ratty looking dude lingered, seemingly looking around the store. His grey eyes met hinatas and it was like fireworks. _My god_ thought hinata, drinking in the appearance of this man coated in dirt, _that is the sexiest motherfucker i have ever laid eyes on._

His awe faded into uncertainty when his eyes fell to the guys torso. Hanging from his emaciated chest and framed by a green jacket was a white shirt with the red arbys logo. Very slowly, slower than a snail probably, hinata drifted his gaze down and to the side. There…

There rested a black robotic hand.

Hinata tore his eyes away and faced nanami, only to find that she had speed walked to another room, employees only. _Thanks a lot nanami_ , he thought bitterly, _abandoning me to my own grisly fate on my first fucking day on the night shift._ Hinata turned only slightly back. _...I shouldnt let myself get worked up. Its just a stupid legend right?_

Filled with a brief surge of false hope, hinata checked his watch cause he still wears one like some kind of decrepit old man. His soul promptly left his body.

_4:20 AM._

(Or some time around there anyway. It was an analog clock and kinda hard to know exactly but, who was he kidding?)

Hinata was grounded by the sound of footsteps. Whipping his head up he was relieved to see the man heading to the candy aisle. His moment of calm was short-lived when he remembered the details of the story. _He doesnt kill you first... he takes his sweet time like an asshole._

Being an asshole himself, hinata could guess this guys next move. He would draw out the terror even longer using any method at hand. The question was, what exactly would he do?

Lost in his thoughts, hinata didnt get to settle on an answer as someone coughed across the counter.

Hinatas head snapped up, nearly breaking his neck in the process. He was met with those sexy, sexy eyes again. The man smiled softly and his arm with the robotic hand lifted. Hinata jumped but turns out he was only pushing the bag of life saver gummies across the table. At hinatas pitiful display of weakness, his smile turned almost apologetic and he opened his mouth to, presumably, apologize, but hinata spoke first.

“Will that be all” hinata shouted ungracefully. He cursed his slip and hoped the guy would have mercy and make his death swift out of pity.

The man, whose eyes had not left hinatas face since god knows when because hinata didnt, finally looked away in thought. He seemed to be genuinely considering this question as if it were a riddle instead of the desperate formality it was. He took a really long time and hinata could feel his own cold sweat sliding down his neck and into his (ample) cleavage.

“Actually….” the guy began and hinata wanted to die in that moment more than ever in his pathetic meaningless life, because of course he was going to drag this out. Why couldnt he just kill hinata instantly like a normal cryptid probably. The soon-to-be murderer tapped his metallic finger on his pointy fucking chin before brightening visibly. Hinata would have sucked in a breath at the cuteness of the display if he hadnt been turning blue from holding it already, in fear.

“Yes?” hinata breathed, and i do mean breathed because he hadnt since this fuck’s grand entrance. Hinata stood there gasping for breath pretty pathetically but he could not feel shame, only the sudden calm of a man accepting death.

“I would like one more thing...hinata.” hinata had composed himself in time to catch the guys quick peek at his name tag, what a relief he wasnt an omniscient killer at least, just a regular killer no biggie. Hinata reveled in this measly comfort momentarily. “Could… i would like your number.”

Hinata balked openly at the strangers now-blushing face, but the weirdo maintained eye contact without a hint of shame. Oh god he was going to kill hinata without any witnesses around to ever avenge him. After the most fear-filled and sexually charged exchange of hinatas life, this guy had the nerve to make him endure at least one other. Hinata couldnt take it anymore so he just gave up pretending like he didnt know what was going on here and hoped the guy would follow suit.

“Can’t you just do it here?” With that statement, hinata regained a bit of his usual confidence. He straightened somewhat, reaching his full height. This turned out to be the same as his acquaintance’s, they were both slightly above average height, but he hoped the effect was still there with the help of his broad build. After all the other guy was a fucking toothpick, still good looking though (well only to hinata who had no taste in anything).

To hinata’s bewilderment, his bold question only caused the stranger to grow redder. He chuckled, looked down and tucked a strand of matted white hair behind his ear.

“That’s… I mean wouldn’t that be a bit… inappropriate?” He chuckled again, heightened pitch betraying his discomfort. “Not to mention i would… i would like to get to know you first, hinata. You seem like someone special, I was hoping we could at least be friends.” he finished with a lopsided smile.

Hinata was fucking lost. Somewhere in this shitty excuse for a conversation, one of them had veered way off course. Either that or this murderer was sicker than he thought.

“Look im just gonna be straight with you.” at this, the man looked disappointed. What did hinata say wrong? Well he had already begun... “I know you came here to kill me with that sick ass robotic hand of yours so.” _So you can stop the act_. By this point hinatas fear had dissolved into the usual apathy.

“Kill you?” the man rasped, eyes wider than, something really wide i guess. And then. “You like my hand…?” he looked even more shocked at the latter sentiment than the first, as if his own mother never gave him any compliments.

“Yeah yeah its cool, no need to play humble. If i had that going for me, i’d probably show it off too. Though idk if i would be using it to kill… that just seems too far but as they say, you do you.” hinata eyed his own chewed up fingernails idly.

“They...say that?” Geez, hinata was beginning to think this guy lived under a rock or something. Suddenly he seemed to piece everything together. He exhaled shakily in something of a laugh. “I don’t know what gave you the impression i was gonna kill you… i put those days behind me you know? I just wanted some gummies and, well, maybe your number. To talk again! And maybe go on a date…sorry if i made any wrong assumptions...”

“Ah?” Hinatas soul left his body for the 69th time that day and he wondered if he’d already been slaughtered. Then, like puzzle pieces, it all fucking settled into place way too long after he had started the puzzle.

He was being flirted with, however awkwardly. Hinata was shocked he hadnt noticed it sooner, after all he was popular with the ladies for some unknown and incomprehensible reason. He usually turned them down as politely as he was capable (aka he stomped on their feelings with his bluntness) because it had always been weird to him to move that fast with someone you’d never met. Thankfully for you rabies-infested komahina ANIMALS, hinata felt like he owed this guy. Considering he had accused him of plotting murder just because of his prosthetic hand. Also since this is technically a shippy fic, his baseless attraction led him to act in OOC ways, since that is what usually happens in shippy fics.

Anyway.

Hinata must have waited too long because the guy was looking quite ill.

“Um, you know what, on second thought i’ll just take the gummies and make myself scarce-”

“YES.” Once again Hinata fucking screamed like the socially inept caveman he was. It was fine though because his company was infinitely worse, just more polite about it usually. When he wasnt being an asshole that is… by the way do we even know if that is intentional? He does have some conditions that might make things complicated. Just some food for thought… Really makes you think

The customer appeared startled but intrigued by Hinata’s outburst. “Yes…?”

“Yes, give me your phone.”

Komaeda (im gonna stop omitting his name because we all know its him. He is the fucker) blinked but complied, he was spontaneous like that. If hinata destroyed it he could always get ten brand new ones cause hes fucking loaded i think.

“Whats your password.” Hinata deadpanned, expression unreadable. The way the blue light hit his tan skin… holy shit what a sex god. I dont even know if thats komaeda thinking or all of us lets be real.

“11037” komaeda supplied helpfully. His choice of password was divinely inspired, really it just came to him, also for some reason the PIN was five digits not four because i need it that way for this low effort joke to work. Artistic license got me like.

Hinata typed in komaedas shitty password and nobly went straight to his contacts. I say nobly as if there would be anything juicy on komaedas phone worth violating his privacy for, there isnt. Not yet anyway… little do our boys know about the photos komaeda will take of hinata at the christmas party, holding his solo cup of rancid OJ.

Komaedas background photo, some ugly typography featuring that god forsaken word he holds dear, gave way to the plain white of his contacts list. There was not a single name on the list, to no one’s surprise.

Hinata graciously ignored this blaring red flag and added his own name and number. He filled in his birthday for funsies, or rather out of spite for his so-called friends who never remember that blessed first day of january (i didnt even need to google that. someone kick my ass). Also, taking his sweet fucking time but its ok we all know komaedas got nowhere to be, hinata tacked on some emojis to his name: the laughing cat face because hinata doesnt usually use emojis so he chooses one nobody uses ever, a bear because they are really cute and innocent, and finally a car since hinata can drive unlike komaeda who fucking walked here. It is perhaps the ugliest and most nonsensical combination of emojis ever conceived, so it is perfect.

Komaedas pointy face lit up as hinata handed him back his phone, seeing that he finally has another human being in his life, if but for a moment. Then hinata FINALLY rang up his gummies which were stale as fuck by now because komaeda had opened the bag to eat one at some point, the rascal. Komaeda paid and left a generous tip despite that being weird, hinata did not complain. As he handed komaeda his bag of gummies inside another bag for good measure, Hinata let himself form a genuine smile. It looked terrifying but Komaeda found it endearing because he too has bad taste but only in men, so he smiled right back and then komaeda was on his merry way.

He realized as he left that he hadnt even given hinata his name. His smile did not even falter as he yanked out his phone and sent his first text ever.

“Have a good night hint. Love, Komaeda”

Hinata chose to ignore the tactless choice of closing in favor of wondering why the fuck Komaeda let his name autocorrect to that.

**Author's Note:**

> i repeat that this is babbys first fic so please limit your critiques to no more than 200 words
> 
> why is crack the only thing i can write


End file.
